About an 88yo pt with a previously decreased level of consciousness: “wow, Ms ___ is RAUNCHY today! Let’s get her out of here!” — I think he meant feisty? She’d been nearly comatose for days.. it was good to see her perky again. She went home the next day, and after telling her she was heading home, she grinned and let out a soft “Whoopie!”

About a particularly difficult Type A pt for whom we were about to do a rectal hemoccult test (fecal blood test sample). Using his own hand to demonstrate.. “Make sure you use TWO fingers. No wait, use FOUR! Actually, make sure you use the hand with a RING on it!” To his dismay, my resident only used a single double-gloved pinky.