I’m back at Einstein and I’ll admit that I’m enjoying neurology more than expected. Maybe it’s because somehow I care even less than before, that I have less responsibilities, that Dr. N is a great teacher, or that I think Dr. S is such a cutie (in that adorable grandfatherly sort of way). Or maybe that I’m finally able to focus, but I actually kind of like learning again. Perhaps it’s knowing I have nothing to lose.

Inpatient neurology was short and bittersweet. Nearly all our patients were female, many elderly but a handful middle-aged. Interesting variety.. a few strokes, multiple sclerosis, MELAS, lateral medullary syndrome, etc. It’s difficult trying to get a proper history and physical exam when you can’t always trust what your patient is telling you, or even expect them to be mentally there with you enough to elicit one. And occasionally, the patient can understand you, but is completely and entirely mute.

Outpatient this week should be interesting. 

Career Day reminded me that I still don’t see a particularly good fit for me anywhere. I had leanings towards emergency med that were thrown back up in the air when I remembered that I suck at true multitasking. I can’t keep multiple stories straight, how am I supposed to keep multiple patients straight? under pressure? for twelve hours at a time? It also makes me nervous how much they emphasize location as the most important consideration. Where do I want to be two years from now? And will I be there for three years? or six?

I just looked over my evaluations for the past few rotations.. and it’s amusing to read several generic: “enthusiastic learner, friendly with patients, great house staff potential” comments.. because I know it translates to: “doesn’t seem to know much, but looks interested enough when I explain, and that’s okay because she’s not obnoxious and easy enough to be around.” Which makes me wonder if deans and residency directors read between those lines too?